Resilience: together we are better, we are stronger. Take four.

It wasn’t until I was completing my doctoral dissertation that I came to encounter a deeper understanding of the word ‘resilience’. It always seemed to be a word that was beyond my understanding, far away from anything that had to do with me and wasn’t used within my world frame. In the 90s, the word somehow continued to emerge in articles or the media as something connected to restorative justice programmes for youth which focused on the strength of resilient experience. Hence, as a young adult, I associated it with, ‘those who fall on hard times have resilience’ and that still seemed to be far-off for me. However, in reflecting on my life journey, I realise I had been building up my own repertoire of resilient experience, and in a proactive, positive way this has enabled me to navigate the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In my dissertation acknowledgements, I added a line that at the time, profoundly resonated with me. Even though I created this three years ago, I continue to unpack its meaning. It reads, “I believe one does not learn resilience. You live it, and then integrate that experience into the whole of your being”. And so, a greater understanding of resilience continued to emerge. Over the past few weeks during the ‘COVID-19 lockdown’ I’ve been inspired to focus my writing on hope, communion, relationship, love, care, courage, and compassion. This week, I had a small epiphany where it came to me that these are key components to experiencing and building resilience and provide a pathway to help steer through difficult times. I have also been spending some time reflecting on the advice of a friend where he encouraged me to, “Go into the fire”. This was at a point in my career when I had to make a difficult decision. So, I went into the fire (metaphorically speaking), and it wasn’t easy. But I emerged stronger, with a restored, and deeper understanding of who I was, and desired to become, coupled with a compelling knowledge that we are all on a journey of becoming. Becoming a better version of ourselves.

Tara Parker-Pope recently wrote in the New York Times “much of the scientific research on resilience – which is our ability to bounce back from adversity – has shown that having a sense of purpose, and giving support to others, has a significant impact on our well-being” (04/20). Adversity is defined as ‘a difficult or unpleasant situation’. Well, we are definitely experiencing an unpleasant situation and as much as one can sugar coat the ‘COVID-19 lockdown’, a time when we are all coping with a differing amount/depth of stress, it is important to keep in mind the ‘art of re-framing’ and our ability to go into the fire, deal with this difficult situation, and make the best of what we have in the present.

So, what does that have to do with resilience? I’ve recently realised that my leadership approach aligns with Brené Brown (who is a genius in my books), who defines a leader as,

“anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

There is no doubt that being a great leader requires courage, but do we consider that leadership includes a deeper understanding of adversity, and maybe, a lived experience of resilience? Of allowing yourself to be vulnerable; failing, getting back up, becoming stronger, and better, to care for and love those within our reach? At some point in our lives regardless of the context, I believe we are all called to be a Brené Brown leader. Parker-Pope further discussed the science of ‘helping out’. I shared her strategy last week and continue to emphasise, ‘those who cope the best do so by helping others’. So, I say, let’s be those courageous leaders. We are not perfect, we won’t always get it right. But what’s the alternative? Perhaps when our approach comes from a place of care, compassion, love, communion with each other, helping one another, then maybe we can have the courage to hope, to be in this fire, and come out the other end a better version than when we entered.

I wholeheartedly believe that together we will always be better, stronger; a community dependent on connection, communion with each other, and I hope that the valuable lessons we have learned during this precarious time stay with us, and help us to become more resilient.

Stay safe. Stay home. Be kind. The end zone is in sight.

Article first published in The Twizel Update, May 6, 2020. Edited for this blog. S.Blanchard